Going Through to Get Over: Acceptance

Today, we take a look at the fifth and final "official" step of the Stages of Grief: Acceptance. The 5 Stages of Grief were developed by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and are an outline of what most people experience in a period of mourning, typically due to a death or another type of loss. They don't necessarily happen in a specific order, and there's no set time limit per stage, but understanding what they are and how they effect you and the others around you is a helpful tool in the healing journey.

The acceptance phase is usually considered the "final" stage of the grieving process as it involves accepting the permanence of the loss and learning to adapt to your new reality. The ability to engage with reminders of the loss, comfortable reflection that brings more peace than pain, investing in the present and making plans for the future instead of dwelling on the past, and less resistance to the change itself are some of the ways the brain tries to process the new reality post-loss and learn to coexist with the memories. This phase doesn't always come fifth, and it can be repeated, but it is a necessary and normal part of the grieving process just like denial, anger, bargaining, and depression are. If any part of the grief cycle is prolonged, interferes with daily life, or gets out of control, seeking help from a licensed professional and the support of your family and friends is absolutely necessary.

Let's hear it one more time from Keith From Grief: "You have to go through to get over." I've collected songs about the Acceptance stage both that I feel are fitting in different ways as well as getting suggestions from other sources, and these seven songs are a sampling of that list.

Break Up in the End by Cole Swindell (written by C. McGill, J. Dillon, J. Nite)

Originally featured on Swindell's 2018 album All of It, this song is a great example of learning to coexist with memories that previously brought pain. The narrator has moved on from regret and knows that even though the story has a sad ending, he wouldn't change anything about it.

I still walk in that bar a little drunk/I still ask you, "What’s your drink and what’s your name"/I still kiss you by the shuffleboard, last call at 2am/Even though we break up in the end/I introduce you to my mom and dad/Say, "I think I love her," when you leave that room/Still not take their advice when I say you’re moving in/Even though we break up in the end/Even if I knew you’d be the one that got away, I’d still go back and get you/Even if I knew you’d be my best and worst mistake, oh, I’d still make it with you/Over and over, again and again/Even though we break up in the end

Rollercoaster by Jonas Brothers (written by R. Tedder, J. Jeberg, Z. Skelton, C. Smith, M. Pollack)

Originally featured on the JoBros' 2019 album Happiness Begins, this song feels like the three brothers could've written this about their own journey of their hiatus and reunion. Looking back on both the good and bad times can really put things in perspective and help you see how the situation grew you into who you are today.

Nights flying down the 10, nearly 2am, happiness begins/Days lifted in a haze, we were just a phase, we were just pretend/I remember low lows and high highs/We threw our hands up, palms out to the skies/It was fun when we were young, but now we’re older, those days when we were broke in California/We were up and down and barely made it over, but I’d go back and ride that rollercoaster/It was fun when we were young, but now we're older, those days that were the worst, they seem to glow now/We were up and down and barely made it over, but I’d go back and ride that rollercoaster with you

Way Maker (Live) by Leeland (written by O. Okoro)

Originally featured on Leeland's 2019 live album Better Word, this is another wonderful worship song that has helped me through different grief journeys in recent years. The lyrics of the bridge are so powerful and true: even when we don't see it or feel it, He never stops working.

You are here, moving in our midst/I worship You, I worship You/You are here, working in this place/I worship You, I worship You/You are here, moving in our midst/I worship You, I worship You/You are here, working in this place/I worship You, I worship You/You are Way Maker, Miracle Worker/Promise Keeper, Light in the darkness/My God, that is who You are/You are Way Maker, Miracle Worker/Promise Keeper, Light in the darkness/My God, that is who You are

New Romantics (Taylor's Version) by Taylor Swift (written by T. Swift, K. Schuster, M. Martin)

Originally featured on Swift's 2023 album 1989 (Taylor's Version), this may not be my favorite Taylor song but it's a good example of moving on from pain. Whether it's a loss of a loved one or even just the loss of your peace of mind, moving on and coming out stronger on the other side can feel extraordinarily freeing.

We’re all bored, we’re all so tired of everything/We wait for trains that just aren’t coming/We show off our different scarlet letters/Trust me, mine is better/We’re so young, but we’re on the road to ruin/We play dumb, but we know exactly what we’re doing/We cry tears of mascara in the bathroom/Honey, life is just a classroom/‘Cause baby, I could build a castle/Out of all the bricks they threw at me/And every day is like a battle/But every night with us is like a dream/Baby, we’re the New Romantics, come on, come along with me/Heartbreak is the national anthem, we sing it proudly/We are too busy dancing to get knocked off our feet/Baby, we’re the New Romantics, the best people in life are free

Landslide by The Chicks (written by S. Nicks)

Originally featured on The Chicks' 2002 album Home, this song has been interpreted countless ways since Fleetwood Mac debuted it way back when. I think it fits in with grief in several different ways, but acceptance felt right here when they talk about being afraid of change but being emboldened by the passing of time.

I took my love and I took it down/I climbed a mountain and I turned around/And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills/Well, the landslide brought me down/Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love/Can the child within my heart rise above/Can I sail through the changing ocean tides/Can I handle the seasons of my life/Well, I’ve been afraid of changing/‘Cause I built my life around you/But time makes you bolder, children get older/I’m getting older, too

Fast Car by Tracy Chapman (written by T. Chapman)

Originally featured on Chapman's 1988 self-titled album, this song shows a narrator who's having to accept a lot of different things throughout their journey. Whether it's the life they were unfortunately forced into or the life they chose that didn't turn out the way they wanted, they do their best to make peace with the hand they're dealt.

You got a fast car, I want a ticket to anywhere/Maybe we make a deal, maybe together we can get somewhere/Any place is better, starting from zero, got nothing to lose/Maybe we’ll make something, me, myself, I got nothing to prove/You got a fast car, I got a plan to get us out of here/I’ve been working at the convenience store, managed to save just a little bit of money/Won’t have to drive too far, just 'cross the border and into the city/You and I can both get jobs, finally see what it means to be living/See, my old man’s got a problem, he lives with a bottle, that’s the way it is/He says his body’s too old for working, his body’s too young to look like his/My mama went off and left him, she wanted more from life than he could give/I said, "somebody’s got to take care of him," so I quit school and that’s what I did/You got a fast car, is it fast enough so we can fly away/We’ve gotta make a decision, leave tonight or live and die this way/I remember when we were driving, driving in your car, speed so fast I felt like I was drunk/City lights lay out before us and your arm felt nice wrapped ‘round my shoulder/And I had a feeling that I belonged/I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone

Something in the Orange (Z&E's Version) by Zach Bryan (written by Z. Bryan)

Originally featured on Bryan's 2022 album American Heartbreak, this song feels like a perfect cap on this post and this series. Watching something end in real time and trying to be okay with it is so difficult, and try as we might it's just not always possible.

It’ll be fine by dusk light, I’m telling you, baby/These things eat at your bones and drive your young mind crazy/But when you place your head between my collar and jaw/I don’t know much, but there’s no weight at all/And I’m damned if I do and I’m damned if I don’t/‘Cause if I say I miss you, I know that you won't/But I miss you in the mornings when I see the sun/Something in the orange tells me we’re not done/To you, I’m just a man, to me, you’re all I am, where the hell am I supposed to go/I poisoned myself again, something in the orange tells me you’re never coming home/If you leave today, I’ll just stare at the way the orange touches all things around/The grass trees and dew, how I just hate you, please turn those headlights around

Thanks for coming on this journey with me, and if you're in the middle of your own grief journey please know that I wish you well. Happy listening, and see ya'll next week!