Yes, My [Future] Kids Will Watch The Little Mermaid

I need to be honest with ya'll right up front - I've been giving myself anxiety about this post for weeks for one overwhelmingly simply and probably unpopular reason: I am not the hugest fan of The Little Mermaid. I mean, I like the movie and respect it for its place in Disney history, but Ariel is honest to goodness my least favorite Disney princess by a landslide. That being said, when I watched it this week as part of the research for this post, I made myself view it with a more open mind to try to see all sides of the story so that I could write a much more well rounded post than "I Hate Ariel - Here's 54 Reasons Why."

The Little Mermaid was released November 17th, 1989 - 30 years after her royal predecessor Aurora in Sleeping Beauty and a full 52 years after our OG royal Snow White. Based on the classic Hans Christian Anderson story of the same name, it was (and remains to this day) a HUGE commercial success, even winning two Academy Awards for Best Original Score and Best Original Song for Under the Sea. With a budget of $40 million, it's made $233 million during its lifetime. It opened up the door for another round of Disney fairytale adaptations over the next several years and even birthed a musical stage production, which debuted on Broadway in 2008.

As a whole, I think the film is a really beautiful piece of art. The animation, the colors, the music - it all blends together perfectly to make a real masterpiece. As for the characters, I will say Ursula is one of the greatest Disney villains out there with one of my top five favorite evil laughs. Sebastian is one of my favorite Disney sidekicks. Eric is super hot for an animated guy, but he's also super dumb and I'm not sorry about that. I really like King Triton, even if he has an unnecessary temper and a ridiculous prejudice against humans (yes I've heard that gets explained in The Little Mermaid 3 but still, it's pretty over the top). But Ariel - oh man, I need another full paragraph to talk about how I feel about Ariel.

For years and years, my official opinion of Ariel has been that she is a spoiled, entitled, self-centered brat who doesn't learn a damn lesson throughout the entire movie and is never held accountable for her selfish decisions and actions. But, as I said in the opening paragraph, I made myself be more open-minded towards her so that I could hopefully be a little more patient while writing this post. At the beginning of the movie, Ariel actually has a lot in common with Cinderella in that she really just wants a different life for herself because she isn't happy with where she is, but that's really where the similarity ends - Cinderella was being horrifically abused by the pathetic remnants of her "family," while Ariel was the spoiled youngest daughter with a doting father, six assumingly loving sisters, and a hoarding problem. Even as a child myself, I had a huge problem with her attitude towards her father, especially when she turns around and tells Triton that she's "sixteen years old" and "not a child" after he gives her a direct order to not go to the surface anymore for her own safety. Boo Boo, sixteen years old is still VERY much a child, even if the animators at Disney in the 1980s didn't feel the need to draw you that way. Very quickly into the film, however, her reasoning for wanting to become a human changes drastically the moment she sees Prince Eric. To our eternal queen Elsa's everlasting shame, Ariel falls head over heels for this guy who very literally does not know that she exists, even going so far as to throw in her father's face in a moment of spoiled defiance that she loves him. No (*clap*) you (*clap*) do (*clap*) not (*clap*). You've never SPOKEN to this boy. He could be a DESPICABLE person. I mean, we know from the beginning of the movie that he is a good guy, and as dumb as he is he gets eternal brownie points from me for going back onto his burning ship to save his dog, but SHE had no way of knowing that - she just thought he was hot. Moving on, when Floatsam and Jetsam try to talk her into going to see Ursula, I will admit that she showed some level-headedness at first by telling them to buzz off because never in a million rational years would she go see the sea witch because she's, you know, the incarnation of evil. However, a mere few seconds later, she IS going to see Ursula for no other reason than to spite both her father and Sebastian for "betraying" her. Bitch, NO. ALSO, Ariel can CLEARLY write her name in what can only be described as legible English on Ursula's contract, and yet she NEVER thought to ask Eric for a pen and paper to write "Hi, I'm the girl who rescued you but I lost my voice, please love me back?" Get OUT of here. Fast forward to the end - Ariel gets her voice back a split second too late, Vanessa is revealed to be Ursula in disguise, and Ariel is dragged back down to the ocean and comes face to face with King Triton where Ursula spills the beans on their whole agreement and all Ariel can say is "Daddy, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to!" No, honey, you're sorry you got caught before everything went your way. By the end of the movie, I will say that I was more empathetic this watch through to Ariel being miserable where she was and admittedly having the balls to change her course of life, but I still don't think she truly was held accountable for what she did wrong.

Ok, let's talk music. The Little Mermaid does have one of the best overall soundtracks of any Disney movie; every song is catchy as hell, and they had some seriously top shelf vocal talent for anyone who had a singing part. Below are my three favorite songs, which was actually much harder for me to choose between than I thought it would be.

Part of Your World by Jodi Benson (written by H. Ashman)

I can't talk about The Little Mermaid without talking about THE princess anthem of the film. Benson has an absolutely beautiful stage-quality voice, and the late great Howard Ashman really showed his writing chops with the songs in this movie, starting with this one. Yes, I said she has a hoarding problem which is 100% true, but hearing her sing about how much she loves her collection is very endearing, innocent, and sweet.

Look at this stuff, isn't it neat/Wouldn't you think my collection's complete/Wouldn't you think I'm the girl/The girl who has everything/Look at this trove, treasures untold/How many wonders can one cupboard hold/Looking around here, you'd think, "Sure/She's got everything"/I've got gadgets and gizmos aplenty/I've got whozits and whatzits galore/You want thingamabobs? I've got twenty/But who cares, no big deal, I want more/I wanna be where the people are/I wanna see, wanna see 'em dancing/Walking around on those, what do you call 'em? Oh, feet/Flipping your fins, you won't get too far/Legs are required for jumping, dancing/Strolling along down the, what's that word again? Street/Up where they walk, up where they run/Up where they stay all day in the sun/Wandering free, wish I could be part of that world

Poor Unfortunate Souls by Pat Carroll (written by A. Menken, H. Ashman)

Not only is Ursula one of the best Disney villains ever, but Poor Unfortunate Souls is one of the best Disney villain songs ever. If you haven't seen Titus Burgess's performance of this, do yourself a favor and pull it up on YouTube when you're done reading because it is officially my favorite version. Ursula is just so twisted and so vindictive and so dark that she makes singing about turning merpeople into barnacles so much fun.

I admit that in the past, I've been a nasty/They weren't kidding when they called me, well, a witch/But you'll find that nowadays, I've mended all my ways/Repented, seen the light, and made a switch - true? Yes/And I fortunately know a little magic/It's a talent that I always have possessed/And dear lady, please don't laugh, I use it on behalf/Of the miserable, lonely, and depressed...pathetic/Poor, unfortunate souls in pain, in need/This one longing to be thinner, that one wants to get the girl/And do I help them? Yes, indeed/Those poor, unfortunate souls, so sad, so true/They come flocking to my cauldron crying, "Spells, Ursula, please"/And I help them, yes, I do/Well, it's happened once or twice, someone couldn't pay the price/And I'm afraid I had to rake them 'cross the coals/Yes, I've had the odd complaint, but on the whole, I've been a saint/To those poor, unfortunate souls

Kiss the Girl by Samuel E. Wright (written by H. Ashman, A. Menken)

I had a really hard time picking between this song and Under the Sea, but I just really, really love this song so much. The lyrics bring up memories of the early stages of my own relationship with my husband and what it's like to realize you're falling in love with someone through the intense nerves of being alone together for the first time. I read somewhere the fun fact that Sebastian was originally supposed to have a British accent instead of his iconic Jamaican, and thinking about hearing this song sung any other way is too weird to comprehend.

There, you see her, sitting there across the way/She don't got a lot to say, but there's something about her/And you don't know why, but you're dying to try/You wanna kiss the girl/Yes, you want her, look at her, you know you do/Possible she wants you too, there is one way to ask her/It don't take a word, not a single word/Go on and kiss the girl/Sha-la-la-la-la-la, my, oh, my/Look like the boy too shy, ain't gonna kiss the girl/Sha-la-la-la-la-la, ain't that sad/Ain't it a shame, too bad, you're gonna miss the girl

I know I shared some super strong feelings about this movie, but really and truly if you haven't seen it in a while, give it a watch because it still feels and watches like a wonderful Disney movie and every single song on the soundtrack is an absolute bop. Happy listening, and see ya'll next week!