Going Through to Get Over: Anger

We're back with our grief series, today focusing on "Step 2," or anger. As a reminder, the "5 Stages of Grief" were developed by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and are an outline of what most people experience in a period of mourning, whether over a death or another type of loss. They don't always happen in order, and there's no set time limit per stage, but understanding what they are and how they effect you and others around you can be a helpful tool in the healing journey. Somewhat ironically, since I started this series I've begun another season of grief and mourning through the loss of my grandfather.

The anger phase is a common and natural response to a loss and the pain that it causes the individual who's grieving. Angry outbursts, arguing, blame of oneself or others, feeling overwhelmed, frustration, fury, inability to cope, resentment, and withdrawal are all ways the brain tries to process the loss and the feelings of abandonment that can come with it. This phase doesn't always come second, and it can absolutely be repeated, but it is a necessary and normal part of the grieving process just like denial. If anger is prolonged, interferes with daily life, or gets out of control, seeking help from a licensed professional and the support of your family and friends is absolutely necessary.

To again quote Keith From Grief, "You have to go through to get over." I've collected songs about the anger stage both that I feel are fitting in different ways as well as getting suggestions from other sources, and these next seven songs are a sampling of that list that felt right for this stage.

It Is Well by Bethel Music & Kristene DiMarco (written by K. DiMarco)

Originally featured on Bethel's 2014 live album You Make Me Brave and featuring vocals from worship leader Kristene DiMarco, this worship song puts healing from anger and grief into perspective. Through all the shadows that anger can cast, we can keep our eyes on Jesus and He will lead us by the hand to the next season, never leaving us alone.

Grander earth has quaked before/Moved by the sound of His voice/And seas that are shaken and stirred/Can be calmed and broken for my regard/And through it all, through it all, my eyes are on You/And through it all, through it all, it is well/And through it all, through it all, my eyes are on You/And it is well with me

Happier Than Ever by Billie Eilish (written by B. O'Connell, F. O'Connell)

Originally featured on Eilish's 2021 album Happier Than Ever, this song is honestly a masterpiece and can encompass multiple stages of grief. The narrator's absolute sense of finality with the partner's actions, culminating in finally screaming to leave her alone, goes through such a spectrum of anger, from quiet desperation to undeniable fury.

When I’m away from you, I’m happier than ever/Wish I could explain it better, I wish it wasn’t true/Give me a day or two to think of something clever/To write myself a letter to tell me what to do/Do you read my interviews, or do you skip my avenue/When you said you were passing through, was I even on your way/I knew when I asked you to be cool about what I was telling you/You’d do the opposite of what you said you’d do, and I’d end up more afraid/Don’t say it isn’t fair, you clearly weren’t aware/That you made me miserable/So if you really wanna know

Cough Syrup by Darren Criss (written by E. Cannata, E. Hashemian, F. Comtois, S. Gadhia, P. Doostzadeh, J. Tilley)

Originally featured in Season 3 of the hit show Glee and covered by the character Blaine Anderson, this is not only one of my favorite Glee performances ever but also one of my all time favorite musical covers. This is on my Never Skip List, and it's been incredibly therapeutic for me through multiple grieving seasons.

Life’s too short to even care at all, oh/I’m losing my mind, losing my mind, losing control/These fishes in the sea, they’re staring at me, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh/A wet world aches for a beat of a drum, oh/If I could find a way to see this straight/I’d run away to some fortune that/I, I should have found by now/I’m waiting for this cough syrup to come down, come down

Over You by Miranda Lambert (written by M. Lambert, B. Shelton)

Originally featured on Lambert's 2011 album Four the Record, this song is a very different, much quieter anger than most of her songs, and if you know her you know a lot of them are very fiery. Written by she and her ex-husband Blake Shelton about the loss of his brother, Shelton was never able to get through the song himself but was "honored" for Lambert to record it.

Weather man said it’s gonna snow/By now, I should be used to the cold/Mid-February shouldn’t be so scary/It was only December, I still remember/The presents, the tree/You and me/But you went away/How dare you, I miss you/They say I’ll be okay/But I’m not going to ever get over you

I Write Sins Not Tragedies by Panic! At the Disco (written by B. Urie, R. Ross, S. Smith)

Originally featured on Panic's 2005 album A Fever You Can't Sweat Out, this song showcases a mixture of some denial and anger together. The narrator is clearly trying to keep his temper on a leash talking about their former partner marrying someone else, but it's not working too well, and in this case thank goodness because this song is one of their best.

Oh, well imagine, as I’m pacing the pews in a church corridor/And I can’t help but to hear, no, I can’t help but to hear an exchanging of words/"What a beautiful wedding, what a beautiful wedding ," says a bridesmaid to a waiter/And, "Yes, but what a shame, what a shame, the poor groom’s bride is a whore"/I chime in with a, "Haven’t you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door/No, it’s much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality"/I chime in, "Haven’t you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door/No, it’s much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of"

Vigilante Shit by Taylor Swift (written by T. Swift)

Originally featured on Swift's 2022 album Midnights, this song oozes cold, calculated anger and I can't help but love it. As I said in the Denial post, Swift's Grief playlists that she released ahead of The Tortured Poets Department were huge helps with me making these lists, and this one couldn't belong anywhere else.

Draw the cat eye sharp enough to kill a man/You did some bad things, but I’m the worst of them/Sometimes I wonder which one will be your last lie/They say looks ccn kill, and I might try/I don’t dress for women, I don’t dress for men/Lately, I’ve been dressing for revenge/I don’t start shit, but I can tell you how it ends/Don’t get sad, get even/So on the weekends, I don’t dress for friends/Lately, I’ve been dressing for revenge

Gaslighter by The Chicks (written by J. Antonoff, E. Strayer, N. Maines, M. Maguire)

Originally featured on The Chicks' 2020 album Gaslighter, this is angry grief straight from the source as it's taken straight from Natalie Maines's divorce from Adrian Pasdar. The feelings of betrayal are tangible here, and that anger feels both righteous and devastating as you listen to the lyrics.

Gaslighter, denier, doing anything to get your ass farther/Gaslighter, big timer, repeating all of the mistakes of your father/Gaslighter, you broke me, you’re sorry, but where’s my apology/Gaslighter, you liar/You thought I wouldn’t see it if you put it in my face/Give you all my money, you’ll gladly walk away/You think it’s justifiable, I think it’s pretty cruel/And you know you lie best when you lie to you/‘Cause boy, you know exactly what you did on my boat/And boy, that’s exactly why you ain’t coming home/Save your tired stories for your new someone else/‘Cause they’re lie, lie, lie, lie, lies

If you or someone you love is going through a season of grief right now, my heart and prayers go out to you. Happy (I guess? This week that may not be the case) listening, and see ya'll next week!