Songs for The Achiever

This third chapter of our Enneagram Series is going to focus on Type 3's. As usual, I want to go ahead and throw out my disclaimer: educating myself about the enneagram and reading about my personality type has genuinely helped me be more conscious about making healthier choices as well as paying closer attention to how I interact with other people based off their type as well if I happen to know it. The enneagram is not how I dictate every single moment of my life, but it is a handy and interesting tool to use.

Type Threes on the enneagram are referred to as Achievers or Performers depending on which author you read, and both of those names make perfect sense for this group. A few key personality traits that are shared are being success-oriented, pragmatic, adaptable, excelling, image-conscious, and driven. A Three's basic fear is that of being worthless, and their basic desire is that of feeling valuable and worthwhile. A happy, healthy Three can be self-accepting and authentic, while a miserable, unhealthy Three can be vindictive, often attempting to ruin the happiness of others because they feel threatened by their own perceived lack of success. They're motivated by being affirmed and distinguishing themselves from others around them so that they can be seen as valuable. They're usually very charming and diplomatic. Threes can tend fall into being too concerned about others' opinions of them and, according to the Enneagram Institute, this can cause issues with workaholism and competitiveness to an unhealthy degree. A Three with a Two wing, or 3w2, is usually referred to as a Charmer or an Enchanter and maintains the core feelings of a Three while leaning on Two traits like a fear of being unworthy of love due to failure. A Three with a Four wing, or 3w4, is usually referred to as a Professional or an Expert and maintains that core Threeness while leaning on Four traits like seeking validation that their hard work makes them stand out from the crowd. A healthy Three can exhibit traits of a Type Six due to their Growth Path causing them to act more cooperative and committed to others, while a super stressed Three can exhibit traits of a Type Nine due to their Stress Path causing them to act more disengaged and apathetic.

Here's some pop culture examples of Type Three that I've "typed" over the last year. DISCLAIMER #2: I obviously don't own/didn't create any of these characters and secondly, it's again impossible to truly type another person, especially when they aren't real, but this its a lot of fun and I've enjoyed doing it. These are just my personal opinion, so please don't @ me.

-Allison Hargreeves/Number Three/The Rumor from The Umbrella Academy

-Andy Bernard & Ryan Howard from The Office

-General Armitage Hux, Han Solo, Emperor Sheev Palpatine, & Supreme Leader Snoke from Star Wars

-Arobynn Hamel (3w4) & Lysandra (3w2) from Throne of Glass

-Arthur Ketch (3w4) & Lucifer (3w4) from Supernatural

-Bellatrix Lestrange (3w4) & Draco Malfoy (3w2) from Harry Potter

-Bernadette Rostenkowski from The Big Bang Theory

-Colin Bridgerton from Bridgerton

-Connie Maheswaran & Lars Barriga from Steven Universe

-Dennis Reynolds from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

-Jake Peralta (3w2) from Brooklyn Nine-Nine

-Jonesy, McMurray, & Reilly from Letterkenny

-Moira Rose from Schitt's Creek

-Rachel Greene from Friends

-Regina George from Mean Girls

-Ruhn Danaan from Crescent City

-Rhysand from A Court of Thorns and Roses

-Tiana (3w4) from The Princess and the Frog

-Tom Haverford from Parks & Recreation

Tony Stark/Iron Man from the Marvel Cinematic Universe

-Prince Zuko (3w4) from Avatar: The Last Airbender

Here is a small sample of my Achiever playlist - as always, the full playlist can be found by following me on Apple Music @audioaesthetics. Let's get to it!

Rolling in the Deep by Adele (written by A. Adkins, P. Epworth)

Featured on her 2011 album 21, this forever banger from our queen Adele shows off some of the unhealthier traits of a Type Three in the lyrics. The pain caused by the subject of the song has made the narrator a bit vindictive and vengeful, wanting them to cause the other person as much pain as they themselves are feeling.

Baby, I have no story to be told/But I’ve heard one on you, now I’m gonna make your head burn/Think of me in the depths of your despair/Making a home down there, as mine sure won’t be shared/The scars of your love remind me of us/They keep me thinking that we almost had it all/The scars of your love, they leave me breathless/I can’t help feeling/We could’ve had it all/Rolling in the deep/You had my heart inside of your hand/And you played it to the beat/Could’ve had it all/Rolling in the deep/You had my heart inside of your hand/But you played it with a beating

Almost There by Anika Noni Rose (written by R. Newman)

Have you ever been sorting anything into categories for any reason and had a "Well, obviously this belongs in this category no question" moment? That was me when I started typing the Disney Princesses with Tiana. She is an ideal Professional (3w4) - throwing herself into her career, doing anything it takes to make her restaurant dream come true, and seeking validation of her hard work.

There’s been trials and tribulations/You know I’ve had my share/But I’ve climbed a mountain, I’ve crossed a river/And I’m almost there/I’m almost there/I’m almost there

By the Grace of God by Bethel Music, Brian Johnson, & Jenn Johnson (composer unknown)

Looking again to Instagram creator @mirabellecreations' Valentine's Day graphic, I think patience is an ideal Enneagram/Fruit of the Spirit mashup. While patience can be difficult for anyone and everyone, Threes can find it especially taxing when it "gets in the way" of their goals. Featured on Bethel Music's 2020 live album Revival's In The Air and featuring vocals by worship leaders Brian & Jenn Johnson, By the Grace of God is a beautiful praise song that reminds us that all we need to do is be still and God will take care of all of our needs.

I rest my soul on Jesus when the mountains shake/I put my trust in Jesus the moment I awake/And when my soul is lost at sea, He will be my rock/My vision be in Christ Jesus, this grace is all we’ve got/His love is like the mighty ocean/His love for me will never stop/Oh, His arms are strong enough to carry me/Through it all, by the grace of God

Jeremiah 17:7-8 NLT But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence. They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves stay green, and they never stop producing fruit.

watch by Billie Eilish (written by F. O'Connell)

Featured on Eilish's 2017 EP dont smile at me, this song taps into some of those unhealthier Three tendencies similar to Rolling in the Deep. Feeling slighted by the subject of the song, the narrator goes ahead and writes them off, feeling like they would feel better to just watch the other person suffer.

Lips meet teeth and tongue/My heart skips eight beats at once/If we were meant to be, we would have been by now/See what you wanna see, but all I see is him right now/I’ll sit and watch your car burn with the fire that you started in me/But you never came back to ask it out/Go ahead and watch my heart burn with the fire that you started in me/But I’ll never let you back to put it out

Do It For Her by Grace Rolek & Deedee Magno Hall (written by R. Sugar, A. Tran, S. Velema)

If you're familiar with Steven Universe, it should be understandable how ideal of a Three Connie is. Driven and authentic, she's a great role model not just for viewers but also for the other characters on the show. Featured in S2E6 Sworn to the Sword, this duet between Connie and Pearl shows Connie's determination to excel at everything she tries.

Deep down, I know that I’m just a human/But I know that I can draw my sword and fight/With my short existence, I can make a difference/I can be there for him, I can be his knight/I can do I for him/You’d do it for her/Okay, now do that again, yes ma’am/You do it for her, and now you say/I’ll do it for him

Just Friends by Jonas Brothers (written by J. Jonas, K. Jonas, N. Jonas)

Featured on the Jonas Brothers' 2007 self-titled album, Just Friends is an upbeat, sweet song about falling for one of your friends. Like a true Three, the narrator has a goal that he's driven to meet - in this case, an eventual romantic relationship with his current friend - and is determined to be there for her until she hopefully falls back in love with him.

Small talk on IM, just one word sentences/It's cool, we're just friends/And if I had my way, we'd talk and talk all day, yeah/Everyone knows it's meant to be, falling in love, just you and me/'Til the end of time, 'til I'm on her mind, it'll happen/I've been making lots of plans, like a picket fence and a rose garden/I'll just keep on dreaming, but it's cool, 'cause we're just friends

Miserable by Kacey Musgraves (written by B. Clark, J. Osborne, K. Musgraves)

Featured on Musgraves' 2015 album Pageant Material, this upbeat song has a fairly melancholy message about leaving a toxically negative relationship of any type. As if they were an an unhealthy Three, the narrator talks to the song's subject about how as much as they talk about wanting to be happy, they only seem to want to complain about why their life isn't good enough.

Your heart’s as heavy as the stones you throw/Can’t see the flowers for the weeds you grow/You blow your bubbles just to watch ‘em burst/For you, it’s always bad to worse/And you can’t win unless you lose/You try to tell me you want happiness/But you ain’t happy unless you’re miserable

Three by Sleeping At Last (written by R. O'Neal)

Featured on Sleeping At Last' 2019 album Atlas: Enneagram, this is Ryan O'Neal's ode to The Achiever. This one actually got me a little emotional - my husband is a Three and the lyrics are things that I want him to think about himself when he's having a difficult time.

Maybe I’ve done enough/And your golden child grew up/Maybe this trophy isn’t real love/And with or without it, I’m good enough/Maybe I’ve done enough/Finally catching up/For the first time, I see an image of my brokenness/Utterly worthy of love

Cold As You by Taylor Swift (written by L. Rose, T. Swift)

This song from Swift's 2006 self-titled album is a pretty good representation of a Three. The narrator calls out someone with some unhealthy Three traits about how they seem to be prioritizing the wrong things and acting vindictive because they aren't getting their way.

You have a way of coming easily to me/And when you take, you take the very best of me/So I start a fight ‘cause I need to feel something/And you do what you want ‘cause I’m not what you wanted/Oh, what a shame, what a rainy ending given to a perfect day/Just walk away, no use defending words that you will never say/And now that I’m sitting here thinking it through/I’ve never been anywhere cold as you

Whether you are a Three, you have a Three-wing, or someone you love is a Three, I hope you found some good new music to enjoy in this post. Happy listening, and see ya'll next week!