Stage Sounds: Legally Blonde

Legally Blonde is one of my favorite '00s girl power movies, but admittedly not one of my favorite musicals. I've never seen an adult production of the show, just a high school and middle school production in back to back years, so I will admit that is probably part of why in addition to just having gotten sick of it from hearing it non-stop at work for two solid years. I'm not sure why it needed to be a thing, but I also recognize that it's a fun show that ddoes have some good music in it.

Legally Blonde is a musical with music & lyrics by Nell Benjamin & Laurence O'Keefe and book by Heather Hach. Based on the 2001 Amanda Brown novel and Robert Luketic film of the same name, the show opened in 2007 in San Francisco before coming to the Palace Theatre (located on Broadway proper) that same year, where it ran for just shy of 600 performances before closing in 2008. The show has also seen productions in Australia, Austria, Belgium, China, the Dominican Republic, Finland, France, Germany, Indonesia, Israel, Japan, Malaysia, the Netherlands, New Zealand, Panama, the Philippines, South Korea, Spain, Sweden, and the UK. The original Broadway run was nominated for seven Tony Awards in 2007, though it didn't win any of them, and was considered a financial loss by the end of its run. The film is, honestly, perfect on its own, and its sequel is also hilarious and memorable in its own right. Maybe if the cast had gotten onstage and done a version of Hoku's Perfect Day it would've helped?

For this post, I will be focusing on one song for each main cast member from the original Broadway cast recording, but will be skipping the Honorable Mentions portion because there's honestly a lot of music in this show that I just didn't enjoy. Warning: potential spoilers ahead.

Elle Woods (Mezzo-Soprano)

Spotlight Song: So Much Better

Film (2001): Reese Witherspoon

Original Broadway (2007): Laura Bell Bundy

Listen, I love Elle Woods just like a proper Millennial woman should, I just don't love Laura Bell Bundy. Maybe it's because Reese Witherspoon was beyond perfect in the film, but it's also largely because I just don't like Bundy's vocal style at all. All that aside, Elle naturally has some great songs as the lead. Act I's finale, So Much Better, is just as triumphant as its film counterpoint as Elle finds out she's been chosen for a prestigious internship. The joy, pride, and victory are tangible here, making for a powerful scene.

All of this time, I planned I’d be patient and you would love me again/You’d come to respect my mind, and at last you’d find you could love me again/And I have turned my whole world upside down trying not to let you go/Watching you walk away is like a fatal blow/Whoa/Is that my name up on that list, does someone know that I exist/Is this a mistake, am I even awake, pinch me now to make sure/Yes, that’s my name in black and white, maybe I’m doing something right/Whoa, I feel so much better than before

Emmett Forrest (Tenor)

Spotlight Song: Legally Blonde

Film (2001): Luke Wilson

Original Broadway (2007): Christian Borle

I just think Emmett is a doll, even if they did change his name from Richmond to Forrest and I can't figure out why. This is an instance where I enjoy both Wilson and Borle's takes on the character. Whether he's an equivalent of a TA or a junior firm partner, he's sweet, he has morales, and he's great for Elle. Act II's Legally Blonde is honestly a beautiful, and dare I say gut-wrenching, duet between Emmett and Elle, and it's one of my favorite moments in the show. It's sweet, vulnerable, and shows off the lovely blend of Borle and Bundy's voices.

What about love, I never mentioned love/The timing’s bad, I know, but perhaps, if I’d made it more clear/That you belong right here, you wouldn’t have to go/‘Cause you know that I’m so much in love/Back to the sun, back to the shore, back to what I was before/Please, will you open the door/Lie on the beach, dream within reach, don’t stray beyond/We both know you’re worth so much more/Some girls fight hard, some face the trial, some girls were meant to just smile/If you can hear, can I just say how much I want you to stay/It’s not up to me, just let me be legally blonde/I need you to stay/It’s not up to me, just let me be legally blonde

Warner Huntington III (Tenor)

Spotlight Song: Serious

Film (2001): Matthew Davis

Original Broadway (2007): Richard H. Blake

Warner, unlike Emmett, is disgusting, full stop. Both Davis and Blake do a phenomenal job creating a thoroughly unlikable character. Thank goodness Elle eventually comes to her senses, because this tool never once deserved her. Act I's Serious duet between Warner and Elle is the perfect example of that, with appropriately skeezy lyrics that Warner tries to pass off as genuine. It's a scene that's both hilarious in the extremity of it, and also so sad to see someone that Elle is so passionate about tell her to her face that she's not good enough.

We both know why we’re here, I see it in your eyes/I guess it calms my fear to know it’s not a surprise/I thought one look at you looking like a dream come true/Would leave me speechless like you always do/But now we’re wide awake, and we’ve got some plans to make/Let’s take some action, baby, so baby, give me your hand/I’ve got some dreams to make true, I’ve got the future all planned/It’s time to get serious, time to get serious with you

Paulette Bonafanté (Mezzo-Soprano)

Spotlight Song: Ireland

Film (2001): Jennifer Coolidge

Original Broadway (2007): Orfeh

Paulette is definitely my favorite character both in the film and the stage show. I think the film was the first thing I ever saw Jennifer Coolidge in, and I've loved her ever since. Orfeh plays Paulette a little more hardened and maybe a little less "dumb," but she also does a great job. Act I's Ireland is a favorite of mine for this show, both because it's a beautiful song and because a beloved former student got to portray this role in a school production and she absolutely nailed it. It's the beginning of a great friendship, and it's the start of Paulette's personal growth to her becoming more confident in her self-worth.

In a bar once, I met this guy, Dewey, and he bought me, like, fourteen beers/And he told me that he was from Ireland, so I lived with him ten years/If I squinted, he looked like my sailor through my boozy, delusional fog/But he dumped me for some slut named Kayla, took my trailer and took my dog/In Ireland, they know how to love you/You embrace in the misty Irish breeze/And if your Irish boy tires of you/You’re allowed to s***t him in the knees

Vivienne Kensington (Mezzo-Soprano)

Spotlight Song: Legally Blonde (Remix)

Film (2001): Selma Blair

Original Broadway (2007): Kate Shindle

Vivienne, without a doubt, starts this story as a mean girl to the max. Thankfully, she has a change of heart and becomes a strong friend and ally for Elle. Selma Blair is iconic in the film, and Kate Shindle adds her own flair to the role, even if it's not the biggest singing part. Act II's Legally Blonde (Remix) is incredibly cheesy, but it's Vivienne's biggest musical moment in the show, and I have a fondness for it since another former student did a great job in this role in a school production. It's high energy, sure, but it's also a lot, and it certainly ushers in the end of the show with a bang.

I used to pray for the day you’d leave, swore up and down you did not belong/But when I’m wrong, then I say I’m wrong, and I was wrong about you, so listen up/I see no end to what you’ll achieve, that’s only if you don’t turn and run/You proved it to me, now show everyone what you can do, and you look great in dark blue/Get back in the game, back on the case, take a good look at my face/I’m not a fool, and as a rule, I do not bond/But I see a star, you’re my new muse, you got the best freaking shoes/And you lit a fuse, so go show ‘em who’s legally blonde/Yes, you lit a fuse, so go show ‘em who’s legally

Professor Aaron Callahan (Baritone)

Spotlight Song: There! Right There!

Film (2001): Victor Garber

Original Broadway (2007): Michael Rupert

Callahan is just as gross as Warner in different ways. Garber and Rupert both play the no-nonsense lawyer well, both as a teacher and a pig when he tries to "seduce" Elle. It's still hard to watch as it's still very prevalent in today's society, but Elle getting to stand up to him is always incredible. Act II's There! Right There! is admittedly extremely dated, but like its film counterpart it's hysterical to watch this part of the case descend into chaos. Plus, it shows early on just how wrong Callahan is to not listen to Elle.

There, right there/Look at that tanned, well-tended skin, look at the killer shape he’s in/Look at that slightly stubbly chin, oh, please, he’s gay, totally gay/I’m not about to celebrate every trait could indicate/A totally straight experiate, this guy’s not gay, I say not gay/That is the elephant in the room, well, is it relevant to assume/That a man who wears perfume is automatically, radically fae/But look at his coiffed and crispy locks, look at his silk translucent socks/There’s the eternal paradox, look what we’re seeing, what are we seeing/Is he gay, of course he’s gay, or European/Oh, gay or European, it’s hard to guarantee/Is he gay or European, well, hey, don’t look at me/You see they bring their boys up different in those charming foreign ports/They play peculiar sports in shiny shirts and tiny shorts/Gay or foreign fella, the answer could take weeks/They both say things like, "Ciao, bella" while they kiss you on both cheeks/Oh, please, gay or European, so many shaddes of gray/Depending on the time of day, the French go either way/Is he gay or European, or

Brooke Taylor-Wyndham (Mezzo-Soprano)

Spotlight Song: Whipped into Shape

Film (2001): Ali Larter

Original Broadway (2007): Nikki Snelson

Brooke is another favorite character of mine; she's a total girl boss who sticks with her convictions. Larter and Snelson play this intense fitness influencer perfectly, and she's always fun when she's in a scene. Her eventual victory is so vindicating and satisfying to watch, especially alongside the fall of Callahan. Act II opener Whipped into Shape is so much fun, and it's a great dance number as well. They try to make her into a red herring, but like Elle, we just can't be fooled.

Do you want an easy miracle, do you wanna lose a pound or two/Then you can turn this off right now, my workout’s not for you/I’m talking to the woman who wants it all, gotta pay for what you get/‘Cause size two clothes don’t come to those too lazy to sweat/I want you whipped into shape, when I say, "Jump," say, "How high"/You know you’re doing it right when you start to cry/If you don’t look like you should, you’ve got to whip it, whip it, whip it good/I’m sorry, ladies, no escape ’til you’re whipped into shape

Margot, Serena, & Pilar (Soprano, Soprano, & Soprano)

Spotlight Song: Bend and Snap

Film (2001): Jessica Cauffiel & Alanna Ubach

Original Broadway (2007): Annaleigh Ashford, Leslie Kritzer, & DeQuina Moore

I love Margot and Serena in the film, but to be honest they annoy the snot out of me in the show. Pilar doesn't actually exist in the LBCU (Legally Blonde Cinematic Universe), but I have a soft spot for her in the show because she truly wants to help Elle succeed and I had a student play her in a school version. They all mean well, and try to help Elle in their own special ways. Act II's Bend and Snap has no place in a school version (girls, I'm not sorry, it's true), but it is an absolutely iconic scene either way. I mean, at this point, what woman doesn't know how to do the Bend & Snap?

Look at my ass, look at my thighs, I’m catnip to the guys/They chase my tail, they drool and pant, wanna touch this but they can’t/All the boys wanna come and play, snap my fingers and they obey/Why do they follow me ‘round all day, watch me while I walk away/I bend and snap, feel how hot it’s getting/Bend and snap, then when you got ‘em sweating/Spring the trap, they cheer and clap/No tight end can defend against the bend and snap

Hopefully you had fun checking out this show and its music today. Happy listening, and see ya'll next week!